Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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