I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
