If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
