community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
