I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
