My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
