Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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