Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
