did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
