Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize