im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
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I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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