Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
