Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
