glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
