Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize