Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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