Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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