You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
