You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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