he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
