singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
