fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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