Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
