She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
