i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
