would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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