apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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