Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
