I just saw a hot homeless man
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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