we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
