K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
