Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
