So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
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Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
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Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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