Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
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By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize