he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
