We're like a lot better than the average bears
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize