lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
