help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
