the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
