just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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