This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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