What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
