It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
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Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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