just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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