everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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