come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What drink are we having for lunch?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
