I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
