Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
