does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize