Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
