fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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