im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
