You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
