so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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