So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
