This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
