I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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