She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
