Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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