god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize