No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
