I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
