shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
