I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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