That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
